I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
