He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
