i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
