the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
