you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
