This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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