his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
