Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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