I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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