Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
