i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
