Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
