it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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