That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
