ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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