it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I supernannyed him into submission
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
