he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
