Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
