??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
