I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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