i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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