you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
