You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
