You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
