Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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