Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I didn't notice because vodka
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
