I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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