When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
