The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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