Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
