Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She's like a pop up book from hell.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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