I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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