I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
