I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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