i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
