I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
