Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
