I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
