filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
