ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
