Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
