I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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