ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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