Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So many bounce houses so little time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
