He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Found your dick twin last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
