Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
