so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
