Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
