we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
