youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
