Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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