I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
