I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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